I actually enjoyed this one, even though Huntsman wasn’t there. In their closing statements, each had to say something cool about one of the other candidates. Even though some of their answers were a bit odd – like Newt saying he loves how Santorum has consistently hated Iran – it was a good way to end the evening. Nice one, Diane and George! For those who didn’t watch, here are the highlights. Enjoy!
1. Adiós 9-9-9! Meet Michele’s Win-Win-Win Plan.
2. Newt Romney. Newt Romney. Newt Romney. I was told if I said that it three times, they’d go away. Dangit. Didn’t work.
3. Mom was a single parent. I had to work to help the family. I still clip coupons and shop at thrift stores. I didn’t have Rick Santorum’s two-parent household luxury.
1. Mittens, you would have been a 17 year politician if you didn’t lose to Teddy Kennedy. You had no other choice but to be in the private sector.
2. Let’s fire all union school janitors and replace them with kids. Teach them how to work! Lazy, Nickelodeon-watching mooches.
3. I didn’t speak for Israel. I spoke as a historian, someone who has known “Bibi” for years, and someone who speaks the truth. Just like St. Reagan.
1. Extend the payroll tax cut, but pay for it. Easy peasy. End the wars.
2. If we every elected leader took their oath of office seriously, there would be no government. Or something really cool like that.
3. Let’s not let give the government the power to save us from ourselves. We should be free to be as fat and unhealthy as we want to be.
1. You need an outsider to help create jobs. That’s me! The guy who’s been in politics for 27 years.
2. I can tell Obama that Obamacare is an Abomination. Ooooh that sounded great! Throwing in that I read studies like the Beacon Hill Institute’s makes me look really, really smart too. I am so rocking this.
3. We should catch and release smallmouth bass, but not illegal immigrants.
1. Obama’s idea of being hands-on on the economy is his golf grip. Good one, speech writer!
2. Mining minerals from the moon? Eliminate child labor laws? America, that’s Gingrich. That’s who you Iowans think can beat Obama, people? Seriously?
3. I never had to struggle financially. Dad had bank, but he grew up poor. And I hung out with poor people in other countries as an LDS missionary. I think that means I can relate to them. Doesn’t it?
1. I’m all for tax cuts. Except for the working schmucks who could use it.
2. Michele is a fighting loser. I’m a fighting winner.
3. I’ve had all my basic needs met. But most importantly, I came from a two-parent household. Stay together to give your kids the luxury of a mom and a dad. Even if he beats you, or you cheat on him.