I was too tired to recap the South Carolina debate Thursday night. I figured there would be another one soon. And I was right. Tonight, Mittens took a lot of swings at Newt. Looks like someone is bitter about South Carolina. Anyway, to those who spared themselves unnecessary pain, enjoy! 
Newt Gingrich
1. Four consecutive balanced budgets, low unemployment, and welfare reform. It’s a bird! It’s a plane! No, it’s Super Speaker!
2. “Hold on, friend.” I did not lobby congressmen. So what if my entities were paid by health companies? I can’t have dinner with old friends before important votes?
3. In America, we speak American!
Mitt Romney
1. I am electable because I’m a leader. And I didn’t share a sofa with Pelosi and resign in disgrace.
2. I will not show 12 years of income taxes. Is this an election or an audit?
3. Obama plays 90 rounds of golf with 25 million out of work. And I’m spending way more than 25 million to be the guy playing 90 rounds of golf.
Ron Paul
1. More 30 years and younger voters love me than Obama, so it’s a stretch to say I’m not electable.
2. If Castro dies, open up talks with Cuba. And send them gift baskets! See? I’m not an isolationist.
3. Nationally, we should have one language. English. Pero, si estados como Florida quieren boletas en Español, esta bien. ¡Viva Ron Paul!
Rick Santorum
1. Look there are two other people up here. Not just Newt and Mittens.
2. Cuba? Once the entire Castro clan is gone, we make sure they don’t hook up with Iran. I hate Iran, if you haven’t figured that out by now.
3. Vote for me, the real Conservative. Tea Partiers – there’s no difference between these two and Obama.
January 24th, 2012 at 6:52 AM
Good post…..to me it was a couple of nerds slap fighting…..no amount of red meat can make them interesting….
January 24th, 2012 at 11:58 PM
Not even filet mignon, brother.
January 24th, 2012 at 8:57 AM
And don’t forget to pander to the only kind of border crossing Latinos you don’t hate…the ones who crossed the Cuban American border!
(Which only reminds me of how much I’d rather spend January in Varadero.)
January 25th, 2012 at 12:04 AM
It does seem like there is more compassion for those braving the Atlantic than the desert to get here. Hmm.
If you get there, have a Mojito for me.
January 25th, 2012 at 9:06 AM
I won’t just have a Mojito for you, Spinny, I’ll have one for every single man, woman and child in America!
I just love me a good Mojito! (or 12)
January 29th, 2012 at 5:56 PM
Hell yeah. That is some tasty stuff. Now I want one for real
January 24th, 2012 at 4:32 PM
Newt: “I’m tired of the press casting stones at me; it’s deplorable. Only I can cast stones @ Clinton. I have my morals; I didn’t cast the first stone because I was guilty.”
January 25th, 2012 at 12:06 AM
No kidding. That was absolutely rich. If you are admonishing the guy banging his intern, don’t be cheating on your cancer-stricken wife.
January 27th, 2012 at 9:28 AM
Poor Mittens. The guy is just so pissed off about having to cough up his income tax report, he’s even ready to Mormon Curse words like “gosh darn”, “shoot” and “applesauce”.
Imagine how hard is to “earn” only $43 million dollars in 2 years without having a job and having to pay (Swiss and Cayman Island accounts aside) a whopping 15% of it in taxes! The burden this poor man faces!
It’s a miracle he had enough strength left to go around and collect $374,000 last year for flapping his gums in front of audiences of people who couldn’t find tickets to Cats, so they has to settle for listening to one, Mittens.
January 28th, 2012 at 5:41 AM
Thanks for filling me in as I’m still able to say – I have yet to watch one!!!!
January 29th, 2012 at 5:57 PM
You’re better off for it.