The end of last week was crazy, so I wasn’t able to watch the debate. Once in a blue moon, I have a life.
Anyway, I finally caught it on YouTube, cracked open a bottle of Fat Tire Amber Ale. Perfect, because this is the last one! Looking back, I’ve loved Jon Huntsman’s performances. That isn’t surprising. What was surprising was finding myself agreeing with Ron Paul. A lot. That has definitely thrown me for a loop.
I raise my bottle to the GOP. Thanks for the seemingly bottomless well of material for these recaps. ¡Salud!
Michele Bachmann
1. “No new taxes.” I used the broken promise of a one-term president to sell myself. Oops.
2. Ron Paul is underestimating Iran again. We need to kick their asses. With no money and troops who will probably end up on their 10th tour of duty.
3. The issue of abortion is crucial to our party. If you vote for this “partial birth” abortion-promoting former Speaker of the House, Jesus will stop loving you.
Newt Gingrich
1. I believe I’m so electable I dare compare myself to St. Reagan.
2. I hate activist judges. I actually hate that entire branch of government. Let’s get rid of it.
3. Why is Michele talking about my abortion record? Why is she even here? I’m the one in the middle people. The one in the lead.
Jon Huntsman
1. I’m not going to pander, sign any “silly” pledges, or attend a Donald Trump debate.
2. Natural gas people. Time to drop our “heroin” like addiction to oil. I’m going to back off because I’m starting to sound a little too Liberal.
3. Of course we have to protect the border. But legal immigration is an engine of growth. See? “Te quiero, Latinos.” Oh yeah and “Wo ai ni, China.”
Ron Paul
1. Welfare people vs. warfare people. Get one side’s support to crush the other, and voilà! Progress.
2. I am a non-interventionist, leaning isolationist. You can give me all the hypothetical situations in the universe. And I don’t care if it is Iran. We don’t need another war!
3. Newt and Michele want to hack away at the third branch of government? Um, balance of power? And I’m the crazy one?
Rick Perry
1. The taxpayers bailing out a loan guarantee program when I was Texas Agriculture Commissioner? I don’t want to talk about it, so I’ll push my part time Congress idea. The audience loves that. Rick Perry Rules!
2. I’ve already planned my no-fly zone over Syria They’re killing their own people are in cahoots with Iran. Don’t mess with Texas or Israel.
3. Thanks for letting me play at a “high enough level” with you guys. You all are so smart. Self-deprecating humor + good hair = Charming the pants off of people.
Mitt Romney
1. There are Democrats who love America. Swear to God they exist.
2. We need a strong military. Add Navy ships, modernize the air force, and 100K more troops. Even though I’m all about cutting spending.
3. Life experience causes some of my positions to change. I do enjoy flip-flops during the campaign, I mean summer, season.
Rick Santorum
1. 99 counties, 350 Townhall meetings. I want your votes so bad, I’ll stalk your entire state.
2. I am more trigger happy than Bush ever was. Iran has been in my cross-hairs for forever. On day one, I will fire.
3. Hell yeah I broke Reagan’s 11th Commandment (Thou shalt not speak ill of any fellow Republican). Suck it up, babies. There’s no crying in vetting!
December 18th, 2011 at 2:36 AM
i missed this one, but it looks like i didn’t miss a thing.
December 18th, 2011 at 10:48 PM
You didn’t. Seriously.
December 18th, 2011 at 5:31 AM
Thank you again for taking the hit for the rest of us. Bachmann has some optimism juice that she ought to bottle and sell.
December 18th, 2011 at 10:42 PM
Haha that is some seriously strong optimism juice. A little goes a long way.
December 18th, 2011 at 6:22 AM
We’ll miss your pithy take on these debates. We won’t miss the debaters however.
December 18th, 2011 at 10:44 PM
Aw thanks! No kidding. The juicy stuff is to come – Obama vs. one of them? I can’t wait.
December 18th, 2011 at 7:07 AM
Not only am I gonna miss the debates (really the recaps, cause I couldn’t stand to sit through an hour of their bullshit), but I’m gonna miss all seven of these fools after the Republicans finally come to their senses and cease upon someone electable to be their presidential candidate.
December 18th, 2011 at 10:45 PM
Sadly, they have to pick from the 7. Unless a magical candidate drops from the sky that every Republican loves.
December 19th, 2011 at 8:18 AM
Good point. Assuming there actually is a cutoff, what’s the last day a candidate can legally enter the race?
This thing has been a marathon and it doesn’t even start for a few more weeks. Wouldn’t it be hilarious if somebody enters partway through and winds up winning?
Rudy tried that strategy last time (passing on Iowa and New Hampshire and starting in Florida). But in 2008, the field was deeper and his opponents hadn’t run an entire marathon before the starting line. He should try it again. These other losers are gassed, the public is utterly sick of them and the media needs a new squirrel to chase. It might just work.
December 18th, 2011 at 9:01 AM
I’m surprised Santorum (Google it!) didn’t start talking about Dead Baby Gabriel going on a blind date with Jubilee Duggar in heaven……or did he????
I wasn’t about to watch that clown show.
Thanks for taking the hit AGAIN, Spinny.
December 18th, 2011 at 10:48 PM
Yeah, leave it to me. I’ll take one for the team.
December 18th, 2011 at 9:22 AM
Thank you for keeping me updated.I’m a Dane and I follow the presidential (dare I say) clowns with joy and sorrow.I like your blog very much.
December 18th, 2011 at 10:50 PM
Thank you so much for reading and commenting! “Clowns” is apropos, unfortunately. Well, at least we’re entertaining.
December 19th, 2011 at 6:45 AM
Thanx for watching so I did not have to….but all I have seen is the same crap different day…..Obama sucks and NO idea hat to do once they may be elected…..
December 20th, 2011 at 9:54 PM
Yup that pretty much says it all.
December 19th, 2011 at 9:32 AM
I didn’t even know this one was happening. Looks like I didn’t miss a damn thing.
But this isn’t the last debate. It’s just the last one before Iowa, unless Trump gets his going again. (Notice how he’s opened the door for another run.)
I’m eagerly awaiting the Colbert debate series.
December 20th, 2011 at 9:55 PM
I heard Trump cancelled it. This was it before the voting in Iowa in January.
December 19th, 2011 at 3:52 PM
HA HA HA HA HA “99 counties, 350 Townhall meetings. I want your votes so bad, I’ll stalk your entire state.” That is SOOOOOO awesome!!!!
I love that so much.
Cheers to you, Spinny, for these reviews – they have been the best part of this dismal parade known as campaign season. 12 Paws up!!!
December 20th, 2011 at 9:55 PM
12??? Does that mean Cosette too? If so, please tell her I’m quite flattered.